The satirical website Babylon Bee released a story on what states are giving away to encourage residents to get vaccinated.
Included on list, which pokes fun at all 50 states, are “Free tickets to the MLB All-Star game if you live in Georgia” and a “Chance to play starting shortstop for the Kansas City Royals” for Missouri residents.
And, if you live in the nation’s capital, you get to become your own state.
If you’re asking, neither Missouri nor Kansas actually have enticements for those who get vaccinated.
Ohio, however, did announce a state lottery that will award five residents $1 million. To enter you have to show proof of vaccination.
Here’s the full list:
Alabama – Free engagement photos for you and your sibling.
Alaska – 50 acres, a bear, and a snow cone.
Arizona – Free T-shirt reading “It’s a dry heat.”
Arkansas – Free $10 scratch-off and a six-pack of Busch Light.
California – Free U-Haul to help you leave California.
Colorado – Free bag of marijuana and an industrial-sized case of Doritos.
Connecticut – A crappier version of whatever New York is giving away.
Delaware – 10 free copies of Hunter Biden’s book.
Florida – Entered for a chance to win a trip to Mar-a-Lago where you’ll get to kiss Trump’s ring in person.
Georgia – Free tickets to the MLB All-Star game.
Hawaii – Grass hula skirt and Mazie Hirono-cancelling headphones.
Idaho – Free bag of potatoes. You can boil them, mash them, or perhaps stick them in a stew.
Illinois – Free bullet-proof vest.
Indiana – Lottery for the chance to play one down of football for Notre Dame this fall.
Iowa – Coupon for a free order of fried butter at Iowa State Fair.
Kansas – Free double-wide trailer and dog that barks constantly.
Kentucky – Enough performance-enhancing drugs to split between you and a horse.
Louisiana – Free house that has never been underwater or anything of the sort.
Maine – Stephen King will autograph your vaccine scar while ranting about Trump.
Maryland – “Got Crabs?” t-shirt and a personal detective to investigate your murder.
Massachusetts – Free bowl of clam chowder and a $5 Dunkin coupon.
Michigan – Free abandoned house in downtown Detroit.
Minnesota – Free admission to the police academy.
Mississippi – Free all you can eat pass at Golden Corral.
Missouri – Chance to play starting shortstop for the Kansas City Royals.
Montana – Free buffalo.
Nebraska – Entered into a drawing to win a John Deere T670 combine harvester.
Nevada – $20 free slot play at the Golden Nugget.
New Hampshire – A crappier version of whatever Massachusetts is giving away.
New Jersey – Entry into a drawing to win a house in a state that’s not New Jersey.
New Mexico – Free migrant child.
New York – Free can of mace to fight off handsy governors.
North Carolina – A chance to become one of Stephen Furtick’s disciples.
North Dakota – Box of 12-gauge pheasant ammo.
Ohio – One free trip through Cleveland in bulletproof Hummer.
Oklahoma – Horseback archery lessons with Elizabeth Warren.
Oregon – Antifa will still burn down your business, but they will feel bad about it now.
Pennsylvania – Free pin-up calendar featuring Dr. Rachel Levine.
Rhode Island – Whatever Connecticut is offering, but smaller.
South Carolina – Constant IV drip of sweet tea straight into your veins.
South Dakota – Your face up on Mt. Rushmore.
Tennessee – Choice of either a new set of teeth or tickets to Graceland assuming it’s not considered racist yet.
Texas – Free AR-15 with a cute little cowboy hat on top.
Utah – Three free wives with each injection.
Vermont – Free pair of Bernie Sanders mittens.
Virginia – Invite To Governor Northam’s Next “Antebellum” Party.
Washington – Seat on CHAZ city council.
West Virginia – Carton of menthol cigarettes.
Wisconsin – Signed photograph of Packers QB Aaron Rodgers.
Wyoming – Free seat in U.S. House of Representatives.