Compassion for Our Stories

Identifying our trauma and how it impacted us can connect some very important dots. This can be extremely validating, and it can help us make sense of some of our struggles and decisions, such as addictions, depression/anxiety, an abortion decision, and unhealthy relationships.

The term trauma refers to the lasting negative impacts we experience from a single event, repeated events, or an ongoing situation. Trauma can result when bad things happen to us, such as abuse (sexual, physical, verbal, psychological, etc.), discrimination/racism, war experiences, loss of a loved one, and betrayal. Trauma can also result when parents/caregivers fail to consistently provide the good things we need—such as physical care, delight, healthy touch, affection, and attunement. Lastly, trauma can result from our own actions, such as causing a car accident or making a decision we later regret, like an abortion.

Susan’s story illustrates how trauma can shape choices and struggles across a lifetime. “We did not communicate much in our home. My father had anger issues, so we kept secrets to avoid upsetting him. From a very early age, I didn’t like myself. I became sexually active my senior year in high school. I know now my impulsiveness and never feeling good enough played a role in my two abortion choices. I repressed my abortion decisions my entire adult life. My deep shame made me believe I deserved every hardship that came my way. This led me to marry an alcoholic. I was codependent, endured a long separation, and finally divorced. I was also a workaholic because I had to try to control everything.”

The purpose of recognizing what was done to us is not to place blame or excuse poor choices. It’s to name what happened so we can take intentional steps toward healing. For Susan, acknowledging her past allowed her to forgive others more specifically and to understand her abortion decisions in light of earlier trauma.

At Found & Woven, we’ve seen how connecting past trauma to decisions we regret (such as our abortion decisions) and to our current struggles opens the way for lasting healing. God gently heals the wounds of our past so we can have a more intimate relationship with Him, can stand strong in our identity in Christ, and can enjoy healthier relationships.

God cares about our whole story—our wounds as well as our choices. When we begin to experience God’s compassion, we can begin to offer compassion to ourselves. This is often where healing begins.

Learn more at Found & Woven.