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Being Faithful in the Age of Facebook

What can you do to protect your relationships
By Joanne Brokaw |

More than 35 years ago, when he was a teenager, Mike Parker met Mark Henderson while on an 800-mile road trip to the Philmont Scout Ranch in Cimmeron, N.M. The two became fast friends.

“We spent a couple of weeks hiking the wilderness trails, shared a tent, lived off the land and in general had a great time doing ‘guy stuff’ in the great outdoors,” said Parker, author of the Christian sci-fi series “The Scavengers” and host of BuddyHollywood.com. The two friends kept in contact for a while, but eventually lost touch in 1973.

But recently, out of the blue, Parker got a friend request from Henderson on the social networking site Facebook. ‘

“We’ve had a delightful time catching up,” Parker said of the blast from his past, adding that the two still have much in common, even 35 years later.

Parker’s story highlights America’s growing fascination with social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, Twitter and ShoutLife, where strangers meet and old friends reconnect.

These social Web sites operate as global networks where users connect with people who share common interests or activities for the purpose of building relationships. People create their own online page where they establish a public profile, listing their interests and personal information, and then ask other like-minded people — even strangers — to be their “friends.” Users stay in contact by writing short notes or comments on each other’s sites, posting videos and pictures, and updating their profile status, letting friends know where they are and what they’re doing at any given moment.
According to Nielson Co., MySpace is the most popular social networking site, with Facebook right behind. While MySpace has almost become an industry unto itself — the company launched MySpace Records in 2005, is active in promoting social causes through its Impact site, and partnered with the Commission on Presidential Debates for the 2008 election — social networking sites are primarily used for people to communicate with each other.

Forming bonds

On the surface, it might seem quite trivial, hundreds of millions of people logging on daily to chat aimlessly — perhaps sometimes purposefully — with friends and strangers about what they’re reading or who they’re dating or who’s the better quarterback or guitarist, and posting personal video and photos. But that desire for gossip might just be part of our human nature.
University of Liverpool psychology professor Robin Dunbar, PhD, has suggested that social exchanges meant to keep track of other individuals in a community have, since the dawn of language, helped humans form bonds and develop trusting relationships. Dunbar broadly defines these social exchanges as gossip, and said they help people not only spread information, but also understand how that information affects their own lives.
Social networking is a powerful tool in that exchange. As one person writes about their political or religious beliefs, for example, their friends can join in the conversation. When one teen writes about a recent break up, friends chime in to offer support.

Possible repercussions

The concern for Christians, though, is how much information is too much information, and what are the real life consequences from all that public chatter?

Last year, MSNBC reported the results of a survey by the Ponemon Institute, a privacy think tank, in which they found that “35 percent of hiring managers use Google to do online background checks on job candidates, and 23 percent look people up on social networking sites. About one-third of those Web searches lead to rejections, according to the survey.”

While there is a debate about the ethics of using information from an applicant’s MySpace or Facebook profile in the hiring process, there’s no question that what’s on a user’s profile, from photos of drunken escapades to the admission of substance abuse, can come back to haunt them someday, because it’s all there for the world to see.

It’s those concerns about being exposed to objectionable content that have Christian parents worried about their kids and teens getting involved in social networking sites. Almost all social networking sites have privacy polices that, if followed, can help users navigate safely. And users are encouraged to only approve friend requests from people they actually know.

Even so, Christian social networking sites have begun popping up all over the Internet.

One of the most popular is ShoutLife, which boasts a membership of about 140,000 users of all ages. Steve McLellan, owner and director of operations for the site, assures parents that ShoutLife is committed to safe, clean and family friendly content. The site has a staff of volunteers that continually monitors site content, as well as “a language filter that replaces all cuss words and questionable content with substitute words and phrases.” Each page has a “report this page” button that allows users to report profiles that violate the terms of use.

Whatever your age, McLellan said, “You will feel right at home with us.”

Ministry aid

Many Christians use both Christian and mainstream social networking communities.

Chris Giovagnoni, who is the Internet sponsor and donor engagement program manager for Compassion International, said that by using social networking sites and blogs, the ministry can better communicate with its sponsors and donors and educate the public about what makes Compassion different from other child-sponsorship programs. As a result, the ministry can better help those in need.

Compassion has a MySpace page, for example, and in January 2008 won the MySpace Impact Award and along with it, prominent placement on the site and a $10,000 prize. Since it was online votes from their MySpace friends that led to the win, Compassion let them help pick how the money was used. The ministry’s MySpace friends voted to use the prize money to help fund Compassion’s Child Survival Program.

And it isn’t just large ministries that benefit from social networking. When Christian author Caron Guillo entered the debut international Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award competition last year, she met several other contestants through the Amazon discussion boards. The writers continued to communicate regularly through Facebook and email, critiquing each other’s work, encouraging one another, and engaging in each others lives on a personal level. “When one of my local friends recently lost his home in a fire,” Guillo says, two of her online friends “pitched in to help with funds and wish list items.”

Sharing Jesus

But using social networking tools doesn’t just help connect Christians with other Christians, which is why many use mainstream sites. While the majority of Compassion’s 20,000-plus MySpace friends are Christians, Giovagnoni said that the ministry is contacted by people who are atheists or agnostics, and in one case a Muslim lesbian teen. These friends want to connect with Compassion because they see the ministry’s bigger picture of helping children rise above their impoverished situations. All of those encounters offer opportunities to talk about Jesus.

In the end, whether users are looking to rekindle old friendships, promote a social cause, or find other like-minded strangers to start a conversation, the options to connect on a social networking site are unlimited. Missionaries can keep in touch with supporters back home, Christian music artists can compete with mainstream bands, and small ministries can reach out to the four corners of the globe.

And as Mike Parker found out, reconnecting on Facebook can help old friends pick up where they left off, even decades later.

Award-winning freelance writer and columnist Joanne Brokaw is the Christian music blogger at Beliefnet.com and also pens a monthly humor column for the Christian Voice Magazine. You can learn more about her at www.joannebrokaw.com.